Wednesday, November 30, 2011

why the Queen rocks



A quick hitter here because it's morning and thus I have children chasing me everywhere ... but I just wanted to brag about my wife.

When not looking like this on her nights out about town ...



... she does things like this last night. I was downstairs running for an hour trying to compensate for not running enough last night while she 1) suffered an ocular migraine-- basically, there's a disco ball hanging out right below where you're looking... it's pretty freaky the first time it happens, 2) had a good conversation with our friend Ina while not telling her that she was talking to Ina and a disco ball, 3) chased Elijah 'round and 'round the house, 4) did all the dishes, and 5) then bathed the boys with a pounding headache. When I came upstairs she looked like she had been run over by a train, which of course she had, if you consider Elijah a train-- he was jumping on her. I'm pretty sure that I would have panicked and hid in a closet at thing #1... she never even came downstairs to get my help.
Yeah, I made a good marriage choice. She's a pretty tough cookie if I do say so myself. :)

Monday, November 28, 2011

A Translator's Guide to the Court, Part 2



I did a translation guide to our little household a couple months ago (http://lifeonkingarthurscourt.blogspot.com/2011/09/official-translators-guide-for-court.html) and it was actually the most-read post I've ever done -- it was also the second one I've ever done, which pretty much confirms that I should have quit after about five posts, because my skills as a writer are on the long slow decline now that I'm over the hill ;) -- however, Elijah has been running around confusing the neighborhood with some of his new (ahem) witticisms, so I figured I'd share.



This is how he thinks up his new words at night!



So here are some more turns of phrase from our favorite maudlin madman:


"naked baby" -- any bare patch of skin showing anywhere. This is a really versatile phrase and can stun you when he uses it without warning. Case in point: we were reading through a book recently and he flipped ahead a couple pages and screamed, "Who that naked baby??" Um, that would be Jesus... on the cross. Yup, he's an equal opportunity 'naked baby' commentator... no free pass for the Son of God here.



"my city" -- He made this one up on the spot while we were at the zoo with our friends... if you really want to know what's behind the curtain, it would be hundreds of bats. And bat droppings. Honestly, he can have his city.


"Oh no! Judah sad!" -- this means: I, Elijah, have recently swatted Judah in the face. Just thought you should know.



"MamadadatimewatchsomemoreGeorges" -- this one is actually pretty easy to figure out once your brain can process it five seconds later. Often followed immediately by "WantwatchmoreGeorgesnow!!!" Can anyone say SERIOUS Curious George addiction??


"Your face hurts" -- Generally said with an accusatory point at me after he goes to climb on my face and scratches himself on my stubble. Sometimes followed by "Daddy's face dirty-- need to shave"

"Mama not go to work!" -- Humorously enough for the lovely Queen, she apparently dresses her best when she goes to work on Monday/ Wednesday nights, because whenever Elijah sees her in moderately dressy clothes, he flips out.


"guitar string" -- the word for any actual guitar-like instrument... we tried for about a month to teach him that no string was needed, without success. See also metal guitar.


"peeing down my leg!" -- Daddy, just so you know, you only put my diaper around one leg instead of the customary two. After a whole night, I have just figured it out this morning. Do you know where I might have peed in the past ten hours... because I don't. Love, Elijah


"metal guitar" -- our big green broom. I don't know if he saw me doing Van Halen improv one night and decided to play along with said broom, but it's been the 'metal guitar' ever since.


Finally, this one needs no translation, but about a week ago, unprompted, he said as I left his room after a particularly trying bedtime, "Love you, Daddy!" I'm not sure he even knew what he was saying, because I went back to say that I loved him and he tried to get me to play with him, but it made this particular knight feel like he might have done something right in the last three years --what that is I'm not sure, but I'll take the good with the bad :)


Saturday, November 26, 2011

Why Forgiveness is Awesome!

... because otherwise I'd be a really bad dad! (Take that, Dr. Seuss!)


So after one of the most frustrating Thanksgivings on record and an awesome trip to the zoo to counterbalance it, I learned that actually most of the things I like to eat are vegetarian! Or sort of... I realize all of a sudden I don't really know the fine hairs of difference between vegetarian, vegan and etc. But I really like bread, peanut butter, mac and cheese (this is where I couldn't remember if milk was vegetarian-friendly or not... it's got a bit of a long-distance relationship going with the cow), fruit and pie! On that happy note, maybe just maybe I will weigh 20 pounds less by the time my sister gets married in February so I fit in all the suits I used to wear when I was 20!! Which was actually one of the best parts about Thanksgiving-- watching someone ask how old my sister was going to be when she got married, find out it was 20, and then forget to pick up their jaw for a good ten seconds... priceless!

But that has nothing to do with forgiveness and hopefully not that much with me being a bad bad dad, so what I really wanted to talk about was this morning, when our two lovable little knights got a slightly undeserved taste of my wrath. I don't want to completely absolve them from their part in this story-- they had been pot-stirrers for some time, starting with bath time last night when Judah wouldn't sit, stand or be held without screaming, so I let him sit in the 'shower' with Elijah ... which has no water in the bottom so no one drowns. Predictably, he screamed. But as I came back 30 seconds later with his clothes, his screams changed tenor-- from "I REALLY don't like you, Dada" to "Help me, Dada!!!!!!" Since this is an odd change in pitch, especially for stubborn little Judah, I rushed in to find.....


...a scene that looked a little like this except I was trying to break up Elijah from snapping a towel off the top of Judah's head-- over and over and over. This sounds really simple. I weigh at least eight times what he does, right? It's a little harder if you don't want to get wet (I abandoned that silliness five seconds in) and are trying to keep two slick little otter-like critters off each other. Anyways, that carried over to this morning, and the fun continued. One moment they were sitting up smiling at each other...



... and the next it was World War III. To go along with this, I have what can be casually known as a 'volcano' emotive system. I'm relatively calm for long spells of time and then ....KABOOOOOOMMMMM! So on to today. The boys had picked their corners of the battlefield,

but had circled each other with lighthearted goodness until a little before 8:00, just before when the Queen gets up on her 'late' sleep-in days (have a good laugh now, college kids) but long after I'm ready for the relief of another person to play with (have a good laugh at me, seasoned stay-at-home parents). Elijah flitted from one toy to another; Judah, our scavenging knight, wisped in right behind him to claim whatever LJ's leftovers were, but he misjudged his timing. Elijah came quickly back for his old toy, and finding Judah attempting to take possession, lightly dispatched Judah, not hitting hard enough to hurt, but enough to move. I swooped in to mediate, but determined that there was a hovering stench in the air-- apparently, they had both fired off their rear missile systems at once. I changed Judah; no problem. I went to change the LJ-- big problem. He had no intention of doing anything except flailing his feet towards the steaming pile of dung residing in his diaper. Normally, I would have calmly told him that he needed to behave or there would be consequences, but lo and behold, the volcano erupted early today.



"ELIJAH WILSON NIMON! PUT YOUR FEET UP NOW!!! STOP IT!!:
"YOU STOP IT, DAD! DON'T YELL!"
"IF YOU TRY AND PUT YOUR FEET IN YOUR DIAPER AGAIN, I'M GOING TO..."
(sound of Judah, three feet away, starting to cry)

(Sound of me realizing that I have to do what I say or I have no shot of raising boys who will be "gentle"men.)

And the wonderful news is that it got better from there. I apologized to Judah, who eventually stopped snuffling; and there was a good two minutes of apologizing to Elijah, who forgave me but said for the next minute and a half, "you scared me, Dad! Be gentle next time." So I would say I would and then he'd repeat himself or find another thing for me to apologize for. It was a really cathartic process, and good for all of us, I think, although Judah may never approach again when Elijah is getting his diaper changed. It just made me incredibly thankful for the gift of forgiveness, though. Without it I don't think stories could end like this:








Hope that you all are recovering from Thanksgiving well!!


Wednesday, November 23, 2011

a FIVE day weekend!




"I don't think I've ever had a five day weekend!" said the prematurely graying knight to his two small madmen as they gathered around the table...although, as the photo above shows, there was one other time, although it was three and a half years ago-- you know, when my hair was blond and not gray. "Let's have some fun!" Indeed. While my normal routine involves six-day workweeks and side jobs, this week (due to the weather and in some small part the fact that I want to experience a five-day weekend once in my life) is a little shorter. Here's some ideas that Elijah came up with to pass the time:

1) Take a day trip to Maine and chase deer around a wonderful five-acre spread that abuts the Saco River-- what could go wrong? (The question, though somewhat hypothetical, can be answered by reading http://lifeonkingarthurscourt.blogspot.com/2011/09/vacation-kids-car-very-stressed-family.html and http://lifeonkingarthurscourt.blogspot.com/2011/09/vacation-kids-car-travis-tritt-song.html , etc. about the last time we went to Maine)

2) This one was all Elijah's -- watch eighteen consecutive hours of Curious George! When I point out that we probably won't be watching any Curious George the next couple days, you may hear the meltdown at your house!

3) Play "what priceless collectible from a different continent can the two (CORRECTION: three-- I forgot that we were bringing friends with baby!) small madmen knock over -- and their breathless dad catch inches from the hard tile floor!" If you can think of a better game to play over vacation, let me know... it's pretty fun!

4) We're going up to the great white north, so we'd better bring the snow gear!



5) When all else fails, we could go to the zoo! (And thanks to our dear friends for inviting us, although we may just blend in with all the animals and get lost there...)




6) Did we mention that all my siblings are coming to Thanksgiving! (and we think that aunts Naomi Nimon and Kristin Nimon should start their own "Say Yes to the Dress" blogs as they're getting married soon! (although Kristin's fiance has actually left the country to avoid our pre-wedding harassment this year) These three knights are PRETTY EXCITED!! (Except Judah, who doesn't pay much attention to these sorts of things)

7) Last but not least, this five-day weekend we will be thankful for family-- extended family to gather and eat with at Thanksgiving, friends who gather round and share stories like family, and a church family to share life with through its ups and down. We have been blessed -- and no matter how long or short your holiday is, we hope that you are blessed too!




Monday, November 21, 2011

Turning 30 Might Not Be So Bad...



... if you get to have a party where:


1) I got so amped up that I accidentally made our good friends Tim and Heather Magill's beautiful little darling Alyssa cry on four separate occasions -- I think by the end she just didn't like me anymore.

2) I ate FOUR (sense a theme here) pieces of amazing cake made specially for the occasion by cakemaker extraordinaire Yen Chang and then at 7:30 discovered that there were two cream cheese pies still left in the fridge untouched, so I had almost half of one of those.... so good!

3) In news completely unrelated to item #2, I strangely enough gained four pounds in one day.

4) Our two little madmen had all four grandparents in attendance and were loving it!

5) The living room was essentially inhabited only by eight children and four car seats-- and a couple of us fathers whose mental age qualified us for the nursery :)

6) I got to congratulate my sister Naomi Nimon on her recent engagement while reminding her that she'll be married for almost a year before she can even drink champagne ;)

7) There were too many other amazing things to list, but possibly my favorite highlight of the night happened about 8:00 when most of the children had gone home.. the adults started debating the lives of the saints too intently and Patrick Barry saw his chance--

... and I want to add that his parents should be very proud of him... he had loads of cake at his disposal, but instead I want you to note he plopped himself down in front of the hummus and went to town. Now that's the kinda of birthday I want to have every year!!!!


Thanks to everyone who came and made it so special!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

what terrifies me


.... is waking up to find this in the kitchen!!!!



Somewhat more seriously, I have found that lately I have been overwhelmed and struck with a strong (if pretty unfounded) fear that my kids will just stop breathing. I think that it was brought on by the fact that my oldest childhood friend did in fact unexpectedly pass away last week, and though I hadn't seen him in person in five years, it still rang my bell emotionally, so to speak. I still haven't processed through it enough to give it justice here, but I will soon. In addition to that, Judah has come down with something that spiked his temperature to over 105 degrees the other day, and clogged up his little head and made him look at you with what NCIS once described as the "thousand-yard stare." Poor little man.

In truth, though, the fear that they will just unexpectedly stop breathing is a little over-dramatic of me. Only one of them ever has, and it was over two and a half years ago now. Even that, as the Queen later informed me, is apparently not a big deal-- sometimes very little babies don't breathe for 20-30 seconds while they are still getting used to life outside the womb. I just happened to panic right around 15, I guess. Anyway, that terrifies me like nobody's business to the point where I STILL go into their rooms at night to check on them even though there is absolutely no logical reason.


Tuesday was a bit of a different animal. Judah was having trouble breathing, and so I had finally gotten him to sleep around 7pm and settled myself into doing some property management with Judah in our little video monitor. I put the headphones on and tried to relax with a little U2 or Cat Stevens as the night wound down. Five minutes into my self-therapy session, BANG! BANG! BANG! I looked in the monitor. Nothing-- Judah looked out. Rachel and Elijah were out getting him some medicine, and there was no way they were back yet. Dashing upstairs, I found that the problem was a) our kind friend Mary simply wanted to see Rachel and Elijah, and b) I had forgotten to put a shirt on when I ran upstairs... I now want to use this forum to apologize a thousand times. No one should have to see that.

Going back downstairs, I hadn't even gotten the headphones on when I heard Darth Judah in the monitor... for whatever reason, it sounded like like he could barely breathe at all, so fueled by my neuroses, I sprinted upstairs and hung out with him for fifteen minutes until his wheezing stopped and he drifted back off to sleep. At this point, I was about as twitchy as a squirrel on caffeine (you'll have to watch this clip for full effect) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmCjMRAzCiE and hyper-paranoid. But nothing happened, so I finally eased into the exciting world of bookkeeping and utility bills...

... then I heard a child screaming. It sounded like Judah, so I grabbed the monitor. Nothing. Judah was sleeping peacefully-- at least it looked like it. I didn't believe it for a second. I tore upstairs-- Judah was sleeping peacefully. But the cries were louder now. What if someone else's child was trying to breathe? Nothing out the front door. No one but Ina and Mary in the back. I opened the door, and saw Rachel and Elijah off to the side in addition to the two aforementioned ladies. "Do you hear screaming?" I said.

"You're a little late for that," Ina said. "Elijah's had his head stuck behind the railing here for two minutes. He finally just got it out now. " Elijah was eventually fine, although I hope this doesn't end up as one of these fears-for-life like when I got buried under a snow igloo. But I think the lesson that I walked away from that night was that I can't protect my children from everything, even if I try and try and waste all my time on it. At some level, my paranoia doesn't do much, and they are in the hands of God. Really, when you think about it, it's not a bad place to be. I'm not sure that I will stop being terrified of them ceasing to breathe anytime in the near future, although I'm pretty sure the LJ won't stick his head behind the deck anymore :)

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

an interview with the LJ





I've been thinking about writing this one for awhile, but here's a sneak peek into our beautiful little man's psyche, Barbara Walters-style:

Interviewer (I): Welcome back to Kids Who Kan. Today we'll be talking to the man known around the area as "Big Air." Let's start off with the basics. What's your name, little man?

Elijah (LJ): ElijahWilsonNimon.

I: Again, please?

LJ: ElijahWilsonNimon (getting a little confused) JudahClaytonNimon? I'm 2. (staring at interviewer) You're pretty woman. (distracted) I see fan!

I: You see a fan?

LJ: Yes-- white fan. Turn on now!

I: Um, ok. (Goes to turn fan on) Is that better?

LJ: (starts melting down) No. NO! You turn fan on! (points at himself)

I: I though I just did.

LJ: Let Lijah turn it on! Pick me up!

I: I think I'm just going to switch subjects here. How did you get to be known as "Big Air" when you're clearly one of the smaller young men I've ever met?

LJ: I'm not small! You're small! (sees TV monitor behind interviewer) Watch some Curious Georges?

I: That's not a real TV. It's just a picture of us while we do the interview.

LJ: (jumps off seat and wanders over to the TV) I see letters! K-I-D-S W-H-O K-A-N.

I: (looks slightly impressed) That's not bad. I bet your mom taught you that before we came on the show, huh?

LJ: No. Elijah do it all by himself.

I: What does it spell?

LJ: (looks very proud of himself) Balloons!

I: (doesn't know what to say) Well, that's about all the time we have. I hope you've enjoyed this special--

LJ: (interrupting) Pretty earrings. You have very pretty earrings.

I: Thanks. Anyways, that's a--

LJ: Can I touch your earrings? Please? Please?

I: Goodbye, everyone.

LJ: (smiles for first time and blows kisses to interviewer) Goodbye, pretty lady!






....... and that's basically what talking to the LJ in real life is like.


Sunday, November 13, 2011

why most people go to church on Sunday morning



... is because 1) that's how God intended it, 2) it doesn't conflict with football, and 3) because going to Saturday night mass/service is BRUTAL with toddlers!!

I hope everyone knows I'm joking about 1) and 2)!!!!

Tonight's story, kids, (I'm stealing a POV from How I Met Your Mother here) is all about how Saturday at 5pm isn't the best time to make your kids sit down (I was going to say still, but I don't think LJ has ever done that).

The quick backstory is that about six months ago, we started attending a new place of worship, and recently they began a 5pm service in addition to the more traditional Sunday services. We love the Sunday services because there is amazing organ music, friendly people, a low-key atmosphere, and (I'm sorry to admit that this appeals to me so much) both a nursery and a wonderful full meal following the service. We did have some friends, though, that were tied up on Sunday mornings elsewhere and wanted to check out the 5pm service, so we thought we'd go with them to see what it was all about. Parenthetically, I'm glad we did it to invest in relationship with them-- they're worth it!! (also parenthetically, I think that's the last thing I was glad about yesterday until we hit McDonald's at 6:30)

We arrived, slid into a back pew, and within five minutes, we noticed a terrible smell coming from near me. Turns out it was Elijah-- I was pretty sure I had put deodorant on that morning, but I'm always the nervous kind about not being able to shower anytime I leave the house. The Queen may make fun of my three showers a day policy, but hey! I always smell clean. Anyhow, I trotted back to the wonderful 'active children' soundproof room that our church has specifically for such occasions. The only issue? It's about 10' x 10', so once I changed the LJ's diaper, the room smelled like (ahem) diaper. So I brought him back to Rach and tried to settle into the service again. Two minutes later, child #2 fired off his rear torpedo. Back we went to the changing room, this time with Elijah in tow, because he wanted to go to the nursery, which isn't set up on Saturday nights. So I became Super Dad-- able to change a diaper with one hand while simultaneously reading the story of Moses in the other. It was pretty awesome, if I do say so myself.

Except... it was a pretty awesome failure. Why? you might ask. Well, because while I was reading the story of Moses, its intended hearer was up in my face hollering that he wanted the fan turned on (unless this is your first time reading this blog, I'm pretty sure you know who that is) while said Judah of the diaper change rolled over mid diaper change, and apparently overwhelmed by the smell, he had created, vomited all over the carpet. And do you know how Super Dad handled that one? That's right-- I left the two of them in there alone (after instructing Elijah to keep Judah away from the upchuck) and ran back for paper towels. When I came back, Elijah was trying to keep Judah out of his own ralph while Judah attempted to investigate the 'yogurt' nearby. By the time that was cleaned up, I was crispy fried. I ask once again-- how is it that you moms just keep going in stride?? And what's your secret of sanity??

Clearly my fault here was not just embracing the madness, because the sermon started and I went back to trying to play quietly with them. (as the Queen said after the whole thing, "it's not quite a soundproof room when Elijah and Judah are in there") That's when the fear of God was put into the congregation. Apparently there had just been a rather serious point made in the sermon testimony when Judah grabbed his nearby rattle and gave a sharp rap! rap! rap! on the large glass door. The entire congregation pinwheeled and looked back at our room, which thankfully was shrouded in curtains. It was as if the invisible God himself was literally knocking on people's hearts. I think was a little startling to everyone, even me. I grabbed the toy from Judah and (a little mortified) thought that if I just kept everyone behind the curtain, no one would know who it was. Judah, bless his heart, had other plans. Being deprived of his rattle, he seized the crimson curtain nearby and gave a violent yank. In front of a sanctuary full of people, we were quite literally unmasked. The great Oz was revealed behind the curtain to be a humbug... or in our case, three humbugs. And there were thirty more minutes to go.

We survived--- and for that, I am truly thankful. Ladies and gentlemen, that is why we at least will go to church on Sunday mornings. Have a wonderful day (and hopefully if you did go to church today, it wasn't anything like our madness!)

Friday, November 11, 2011

closer...




is my favorite album by Josh Groban. If you haven't heard it, you're probably not a fan, because it came out six years ago. (Just saying.) But if you like his stuff at all and want a little taste, listen to this song (Remember When it Rained) to prepare yourself for the rest of our night recorded here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rfxqW9QwOSI

As a side note, the first time I ever heard "Remember When it Rained" I didn't know that the song didn't end (at 3:50 if you are watching it above) when he pauses for two seconds after the piano solo. Then-- boom!! The drums crash, the lights flash bright white on the audience, and it was one of the two times that I have ever felt the music of heaven descend and seem to rest, if ever so briefly, on the earth. The other was at a Salvation Army in Riemersburg, Pennsylvania-- a totally different 'choir,' but the same effect. (I'll tell that story sometime later.)

Anyway, 'closer' is also a good description for where we sat-- one row off the floor.



But really, closer is what we were surprised by... or who we were surprised by!


Yup, that's right!!! They finally turned the lights off (like THIRTY minutes after the opener was done) and there was a little bustle in front of us off to the left. So Rachel and I were keeping our attention and eyes peeled about a hundred feet away watching to see if he was going to come out of the side doors instead of coming up from the stage the way he had last tour and then BAM! The spotlight came down about ten feet to our RIGHT (not left) and there he was! Honestly, I think we behaved like little girls. Rach started snapping with the camera, I started clapping and hollering, and the lame people in front of us didn't move at all. I don't think they even knew whose concert they were at, because they talked through most of it. Anyways, we enjoyed it a lot. (We also enjoyed the chance to talk for more than twenty seconds without being told, "Dad, come in living room now!" ... but you know, we missed it by the end of the night-- or not.)


So that was last year's combined birthday/ Christmas for the both of us-- we'll have to start thinking of what this year's is going to be! More concert highlights over the next few days too....

Monday, November 7, 2011

everything flows downhill



Quick aside-- today I'm thankful for the fact that tomorrow there will be no blog because the Queen and I will be sitting closer than we've ever sat before at a Josh Groban concert!! (Pretty amazing-- and pretty amazing that we actually found anyone to babysit the boys overnight!)


Anyways, I realized to my great chagrin about a week ago that I had something in common with Scott Hansen, the gentleman who hosts the NFL Red Zone on Sunday afternoons. No, it's not that I make tons of money and am recognized across the world of sports. (I can only dream.) Rather, it's what he said when he was on a local radio station here in town this week. "I went to Syracuse," he said, "and majored cum laude in broadcast journalism. Then I spent ten years in my field honing my craft to get where I am now... and you know what the universally most asked question I get is? It's this: 'Scott, you're broadcasting with no commercials for seven straight hours through an entire day... when do you go to the bathroom?? Really, that's it! I've reached my dream job and the only thing that people are interested in is when I take a leak?"

I think I've hit that nirvana. A full ride scholarship to both high school and college, five years in college honing my writing craft (and skipping a few nonessential classes-- I was decent at both), culminating in a B.A. for English Literature, and what do I do? I'm a carpenter/ homebuilder, and when I do write, it's 85% potty humor. Yeah, I think I've arrived.

Without any further buildup, tonight's potty humor: Saturday was a relatively stressful night, and to celebrate surviving it, Rachel and I decided to do something we hadn't in forever (really? get your mind out of the gutter) -- watch a movie. At home. It sounded blissful. It wasn't. We watched a movie that looked tremendous right until the final five minutes, which made me so mad that I literally punched our window blinds. Rachel took exception to my churlishness, and thus we launched a good old-fashioned 11:00pm argument. You know, the kind where you aren't actually fighting about anything; you're just exhausted and the person happens to be there to fight with. Enter Judah, therapist extraordinaire.


He started fussing, and we both looked at each other in surprise before I grumpily said I'd go get him-- he never wakes up at night. When I picked him up, he seemed happy to see me, like I'd rescued him from a horrible situation.

Never ones to let a little baby get in the way of a good argument, we started verbally jousting again, when I interrupted Rachel with a "what the heck?" Judah's pajamas had literally just sprayed me from three different spots. That's right, folks. Our little peacemaker had just fire hosed me through his PJs. We burst out laughing so hard that we never did get around to finishing the argument. I guess I'm thankful for that too.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

I'm thankful...




for so much! (and today just seemed like a good day to take a little time and stop and revel in the blessings)

This entire house (and street, it seems) has been battling some gosh-awful thing that doesn't completely incapacitate you, and thus earn you a sick day (or in Rachel's case, me staying home so she can rest), but merely makes your quality of life awful enough that you can't taste food, walk in a straight line, or hear Elijah scream more than twice without flipping out on him. Actually, that seems like any other day, now that I think about it. "Just keey-ding!" (you have to imagine that last bit being said by a skinny Central American... clearly I haven't fully recovered, so bear with me. I can listen to the LJ scream at me at least three times without losing it on him... duh.

Anyways, all the being sick has just helped me with some perspective stuff and I think is actually a little blessing (or reminder, at the very least) just how much good stuff is around me. With no more shenanigans, a few of the best:

1) The ability for Rachel to stay home with our kids. We're really fortunate that Rach can stay home and be Mama full-time for these two young gents-in-training. Truthfully, this week I don't think that she would feel fortunate as the LJ has just been giving it to her up one side and down the other, but the sacrifice to help her to stay home along with the opportunity to do it at all is just something that I am incredibly thankful to her for. I don't know if anyone else in the world other than a Marine drill sergeant could shape up the LJ, (literally, as I write this, I hear on the floor above, "NO SIR!!! PUT THAT DOWN!") so the opportunity that we have been given with these little madmen is truly precious.

2) Nextdoor neighbors who are really truly the best neighbors we've ever had. I guess in some universes I should call them our tenants because they pay us rent, but that completely cheapens the relationship. Elijah and Ina are borderline inseparable and whenever he gets upset with us he wants to go over to her house by the secret passage, which is really just through the basement. It's been such a blessing having them next door and feeling like we have friends who are never more than thirty feet away (again, literally... we always feel really bad whenever Judah or Elijah has a meltdown because it carries through the air ducts). Last but not least, Dick (Ina's husband) and I never have to go to weddings anymore because Ina and Rachel have started a wonderful tradition of going to weddings as each other's dates (here's a lovely picture of them at the first one they went to)... a wonderful stroke of luck for all.

3) Judah moving around. We like crazy energetic youngsters here on the Court, and recently it's been fun to watch Judah "scavenge," as I call it. He's like a yes-man in the olden days... he carefully scurries around Elijah, making sure not to anger the mad monarch, lest LJ head-butt him or use his butt to slowly shove him over (LJ is actually really subtle about this, to the point where sometimes I'm not sure if he knocked Judah over or if Judah just fell on his own). As soon as Elijah turns his back, Judah makes a mad dash for whatever toy Elijah was just playing with,. The funniest times, though, are when Elijah whips his head back around for whatever reason and Judah goes straight into "what? take your toy? not me, O King," mode, where he drops it and backs away slowly, only to charge again when LJ loses interest.


4)But the one I'm REALLY thankful for today... I'm staying up an hour late tonight because it's time to FALL BACK!!! (although as good sense reminds me, the kids will still wake up 9 hours after they fell asleep, regardless of what I do)....


Thursday, November 3, 2011

A Tough Act to Follow

Well, based on the massive response, both on and offline, I think the Queen will be a regular guest blogger here... but considering that everyone but Elijah is exhausted tonight, this one's going to be a quick hitter.

First, in continuing with our theme of thankfulness, I'm actually thankful for Judah today-- specifically, how happy he is to see me when I get home, but also just how happy he is in general (when he's not whining about being hungry, of course). At times, I can get home, and the Queen (understandably) looks at me and goes off to take a well-deserved rest (see yesterday's post to see just how well-deserved some days are... and oddly enough, today actually was even crazier, although a little less humorous); and Elijah only wants me to come home one day a week ("ride your truck, Daddy"), while the other six he tries to slam the door on me and barks "Go away now!!" I love you too, LJ. So for these reasons and many more, I love that Judah sees me, smiles, crawls over at top speed and bonks his head into my leg, which is his way of saying hi. Love it!


Two other things that made my day: one, the perfect day at work. We are creating some very detailed garage door overlays, which is basically making a custom simulation of carriage house doors on a basic garage door so that it looks classic 1920s carriage house instead of run-of-the-mill 2000 garage doors. I will try to take some pictures when we are done so you can see what I mean. Anyway, it's technically demanding, craftmanlike, little-to-no margin for error, and thus, it's a lot of fun! (Plus, if we do it right, it's really quite beautiful, if a house can be such!) Couple that with the fact that the boss had to go away to meet some clients at noon and leave me all to myself in the quiet on the sweeping Rockport coast with an arch to carve out of beadboard -- yes, you can be jealous of me, it's ok. You can also remind me that I was bragging about it in January when I have to work outside in subzero temperatures. But today... no complaints at all.

The finished work will look something like this, in case anyone besides me cares... we're doing a slightly different design :)


Finally, tonight I'm grateful for how Elijah makes me laugh even when I really shouldn't be laughing... he was a wretched bear for Rachel all the way home from dropping my brother and sister-in-law at the airport and even continued his crankiness for most of the night, although he had a little moment when Rachel and I were 'discussing' something a little more intensely than he thought proper. He got right up in Rachel's ear and bellowed, "Mama, don't talk so loud!" This from Elijah... ah, the irony, it brings tears of laughter to my eyes. But the real coup de grace for the day was when we were going by his room about 9:00 tonight and he flagged us down for one last kiss and song; we were happy to oblige. When I tried to leave the room, however, he predictably got upset. "Elijah," I warned, "we're leaving. Time to go to bed." Almost as predictably, he jumped up and bounced a couple times on the bed just to show that he "wasn't sleepy." Except the second bounce was a little too close to the edge, catapulting him forward off the edge (lest you be too frightened, his bed is about 15 inches off the ground tops) and face-first into the humidifier. That put an end to all the posturing; after a good cry, he cuddled in and went right to bed. I tried so hard not to laugh, but I'm just not that seasoned of a parent yet. I laughed so hard I think it startled him-- what a picture we were, him sobbing his little heart out, me laughing my head off. I think we deserve each other.

Have a good night all!



(The LJ in his natural habitat-- "doin' dishes" -- it works great except for the mornigs like this one where Rachel went upstairs for two minutes and came back down to this scene PLUS water, water everywhere... or at least all over the floor. Yup, he's gonna have his mama's OCD.)

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

GUEST POST-- The Queen speaks her mind



I (Micah, the oldest knight-in-training) have monopolized these airwaves for far too long, especially going on and on about my fair children and other such subjects when I'm home maybe one-quarter of their day. The real heroine of the story gets to share her voice today on what mayhem I miss (or really, don't miss that much at all ;) while I'm gone. Without further ado, the lovely Queen speaks her mind:

Greetings all! One of the highlights of my night is relaying to my husband all that he has missed--the good, the boring, the funny--while he was at work. My need to share is part of my personality--I can't help it. Lately, it seems our days have been riddled with funny stories that weren't really funny at the time but became funny as I was telling them. They had been mothering challenges that I stared down and conquered or at least survived through. So Micah asked that I share a recent one with you. My original intent was to write about my adventures at the mall play area where Elijah and a little boy had a 'butt fight'--sticking their butts out to 'move' the other away from what they were playing with--until the other little boy left.
I had also planned to tell you about how Elijah, seeing the boy returning, decided to launch a preemptive strike, running out to his adversary only to clock him (with his body, of course- no hands) and then sit on him. I was prepared to explain that when said child cried, I reprimanded Elijah, making him say he was sorry and then we headed off to timeout all the while the little boy's father told him he needed to 'get tough' which made me giggle.

(Micah here: we're going to have to have an in-house chat about this one... after I picked myself off the floor because I was laughing so hard, I told Rach that that's exactly what I want Elijah to do in this situation... she's still unsold on the 'strike first' concept)

Then I thought about writing about my phone call to the insurance company during which Judah stuffed a leaf in his mouth and choked, gasping for air, then promptly threw it up (unchoking himself) only to then find Elijah had run not only into a parking lot but almost up to the street. No worries; I put the lady on hold (which looked like me stuffing the phone in my pocket), screamed at Elijah as I ran after him and carried him back kicking and screaming (literally) all the while with the lady still on the phone.

But none of that seems even worth telling compared to our afternoon today which could be called (with a Thanksgiving theme) "Thankful for Five" (pm that is).

For Elijah's first birthday awesome Auntie Laura gave Elijah a wagon. We're talking an all terrain, red, wooden, radio flyer wagon! Nothing but the best for her nephew! And we've been enjoying it since. Most afternoons that are not raining, I bundle up the boys and put them in the wagon for a little walk while we wait for daddy to get home (if you have kids you know all about the 'witching hour,' and this is how I personally try to get through it). Today began no differently than most of our afternoons.

`The boys were bundled and we were walking up and down the hills of Beverly and headed to the Beverly Common. It's a large grassy area not far from our house and we love it there cause Elijah can run around and run up some of the small hills on the side. Today, though, we arrived at the same time as a group of kids about Elijah's age from the Y daycare. Those kids had boundaries so I tried to give Elijah the same ones since he immediately began playing with them and tormenting them because he could leave the area and they couldn't. It wasn't long before two little girls spotted Judah in the wagon and decided to hold onto it. Before I knew it, I had about ten of the twelve kids all holding onto the wagon staring down a now very concerned little eight month old. So I decided to walk them. We walked around the grass a couple times and sang 'Wheels on the Bus' and then Elijah let go and started throwing dirt everywhere. It was at that point I told the children we were all done with the wagon.

Elijah ended up needing me to stop him since my verbal directions were not compelling enough, and I simply left Judah a foot behind me in the wagon when I went to do so. Only I turned back around to see four two-year-olds dragging Judah away in the wagon! I hurried after them and stopped them before they got far but in the meantime Elijah had taken off--fast-- well beyond any of the Y boundaries and out into the open grass. So I tried to take off after him but (knowing I could not leave Judah in the wagon for fear of little kids running away with him) I was stuck because I couldn't get the Y kids OFF THE WAGON- no matter how much I yelled at them or pulled the thing away. God was looking out for Elijah, though, because the Y teachers (whom I might add were only a couple feet away from us THE WHOLE TIME) thought Elijah was one of their children and went screaming after him, yelling at him for leaving and demanding he stop. Despite my trying to tell them as they ran past me to get him that he was mine and they needn't worry, I don't think the lady realized it wasn't one of her charges until she had picked him up. But (yay!) she brought him back to me and the other lady finally got the children off the wagon and we headed home -- or rather, we should have.

At this point, Elijah was crying because he didn't want to leave and Judah was still sitting there and it was only halfway into our 'witching hour' so I decided to keep at it. With both kids in the wagon, away from other kids, what could happen. A walk was far better than being home with them at this point. Things were going so well I even took a phone call. We didn't get far into the conversation (or walk for that matter) when I happened to notice Judah had decided to STAND UP in the wagon! We battled for a minute (I won) and I returned to the phone call to see that my phone had died. Now- it was time to actually go home. And we arrived, Elijah still crying that we were home and Judah rolling all over the wagon. But it was 5pm. Daddy pulled up and we were all happy! (Ok well Elijah yelled at Micah to go away and Judah seemed unfazed but I was happy!).

Some days like today, or really hours like that hour- because it all happened in just 1 of the 10 hours I was home with the kiddos by myself, it's easy to feel defeated and exhausted but I have found that if I can just hold on until 5, when Micah gets home, we'll laugh about it all together! Thank you, God, for five o'clock!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

a new day has come!



(Thanks, Celine Dion! Actually, that's a crazy good song that I will now go listen to-- the violin is so good!)

In addition to a new day coming, it's a new month to boot-- so at the top of every day this month, I'm going to give you a thing or two that this household is thankful for leading up to Thanksgiving... today, it was a game of Candyland. I think that I have been nostalgic recently about the times when the LJ would snuggle in and cuddle with me and just enjoy 'time with daddy' that didn't involve jumping onto my (ahem) lower abdominal region from the couch and rendering me semiconscious while the Queen giggles from afar. (At least she really tries not to laugh too hard!) Anyway, today Elijah asked to 'play Candyland with daddy.' Miracle! W e actually enjoyed the game, with a couple blips like the time when he tried to take the men off the board and conduct a little fight offstage, but overall it was a delight. I think I might actually be looking forward to the next phase with LJ, and for that I am very thankful.

As promised, here are a few of the best of steroidal LJ:

1) We were playing in the living room -- skunks and tomato baths. An interesting thing to play, but apparently if Curious George does it, so can LJ. Anyway, we were about done, and the skunk was about to make one last blast, when LJ blurted out, "Skunks spray poopy everywhere!" Um, not quite. No wonder all the people in Curious George freaked out when the skunk blasted them.

2) I alluded to this one in an earlier post, but Sunday night was the climax of the sterois experiment. I slept in the room with him, and at 2:45 he tried to coax me out of bed, with no real success. At 4:00 he woke me up by 'singing' to me "The moon is in the night, but the sun comes in the morning, the sun comes in the morning. It's mornin', daddy! Play with LJ!" Other than the fun third-person reference, the thing that got me the most is that at 4:00am this morning, as most other morning, the sun definitely wasn't out; thus, by his reasoning, not morning. I pointed this out to him, but somehow it didn't change his mind that I should get up and play with him.

3) It made his already up-and-down little personality even more, shall we say, precipitous. One moment he was about ready to kill me for shoveling the snow on the deck into a big pile; the next, without me even saying anything, he was dancing around saying, "LJ make igloo!" First of all, I want a little credit; I made the igloo. Second, I made sure the in the next breath that he knew the 'igloo' had no doors or windows because, sure enough, he started trying to get into the snow pile.

#4 will have to wait because a teething Judah is having MELTDOWN CITY tonight, so I'm going to help with him. It's funny enough that I'll tell tomorrow. Good night all!