Bonus: What it's actually like to read to tiny knights (at least mine!)

     So I feel like this is what most soon-to-be parents (including me!) thought reading to their tiny formative offspring would be like as they imparted the great mythical stories of our world:



There they sit, little minds hanging on every word as my vivid reading brings the stories to life.

       Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.  It's, um, not like that, is it?

      So let's run the actual transcript of the reading of a book that a) the knights and I have read multiple times together, and b) they really love. Keep that in mind as go.  It could be worse the first time. This transcript is from probably the third time that we had read it that day.

         Me: --  That night, Robin Hood left purses by the villagers' doors, filled with glittering coin---

         Elijah:  How did he get the purses?

         --Well, he took them from the rich people who were being unjust to the--

         Judah: He stealed them?  Is he a bad guy?

        -- No, not really.  He was trying to help the poor people who were being treated unfairly.

          Elijah:  Stop explaining, Dad. It's boring.  Read the story
          Judah:  What unfairly?

       -- But the very next day, the Sheriff  of Nottingham rode into--

         (squinting at the picture) Elijah:  Which one's the sheriff?
 
        -- That one right there.  " Give me your money, the Sheriff howl--

        Judah: Wait, which one the sheriff?

          -- Right THERE.

       Elijah:  Which one is he?

       -- THERE. The one with the dark spot on his face.

      Judah: Which one is he?
      Elijah:  Oh, I remember him.  That's poop on his face, right?

       -- Mmm-hmm.  Horse dung, actually.  Listen.  "The boy hated the Sheriff.  When no one was looking, he picked up some horse dung and hurled it pow! in his face."

      Judah:  Dat POOP!

      Elijah:  I told you, Dad. Dung means poop.  Keep reading.

      -- "The Sheriff went red with rage.  'Arrest that boy!' "

       Elijah:  They made him go to jail for throwing poop?  Will I go to jail?  If throw poop?  Why is the HairShif (sheriff) so mean to him?  Will I go to jail?

       -- " 'Run, Jack!' his father cried... but from the safety of the forest, the boy saw men taking his father away."

      Judah:  They take the father to jail because the boy naughty?

      Elijah: No, they take anyone to jail who throws Poop!


      ... And that's how Robin Hood becomes potty humor.  (And why you can kiss your evening good-bye whenever you think you're reading for just ten minutes.  If you're reading Dr. Seuss, especially anything involving Horton, you may want to just set aside a day!)