The butterfly emerges...

At some point in his life, my second-born may kill over the title of the post, because today's musings are indeed about Judah.  (Good news, though -- he can't read yet.)

Every once in awhile, you see something, but it's unconfirmed. You know that in the little fuzzy wrapping something beautiful will emerge, but you aren't allowed to open it.  Anticipation builds...

I had been looking forward to watching Judah play soccer in his town league for a long time.  We are intentional about keeping our kids to minimal of structured activities ( we think it's lame how insanely structured tiger-parenting can be; we don't have enough money, we have too many kids to pay for them all, etc.)  But.. Elijah has karate, mainly because he needs it and it needs him, and Judah's so damn good at ball sports ( at least at our house) that I really wanted to see him play.  (Plus, he really wanted to play, and let's be honest, it's more fun playing soccer on grass than in our "backyard" parking lot. Less road rash and the like.)

So on Saturday, April 9th, he had his first game.  Except he didn't -- because it snowed that week and apparently a co-ed 5-yr-old league isn't that serious about its games. Judah and I moped.

... So on Saturday, April 16th, he had his first game.  (Thank goodness, this is true).  'Game' may be a misnomer.  I'm such an introverted novice to the world of middle/upper-middle class parenting.  Rachel is a natural, being all social and working the crowd ( she calls it "being friendly," something I've never tried); I am there solely to watch/play the game.  Which is why it's incredibly disappointing when after five minutes, we are herded over to the third field in a long series and get to practice for a while before anything else happens.  Frankly, I came to a realization that day.  I am "that parent." The intensity doesn't diminish just because it's practice.  Rachel may have banned me from ever coming again three or four times in the first ten minutes alone.  I wasn't sure Judah was going to make it either as they stood in a circle, Kum-by-Ya style, and passed the ball to each other while calling out their new friends' names.  It was actually a little bit of an inverse ratio of skill-to-memory in effect.  There were kids who could pass the ball, and there were kids who could remember the names of their new friends, but not many (if any) who could do both.  God bless the coaches.  I hope they get paid.  Judah, for his part, would boom passes at his counterparts, then shrug his shoulders when asked who he had just passed to.  (True to form **Spoiler alert ** he had a LOT of fun, but when pressed at home after the end of the game, he hadn't the faintest clue as to the names of any of his peers.)  At least he remembered his coach's name.



After this were dribbling drills, where we got to see a lot of little people going left while the ball went right, and tripping over the ball and taking headers. this was actually worth the price of admission -- free! -- and then some.  As Rachel said to me while engrossedly watching, "Four and five is such a great age.  They have NO idea what their bodies are doing."

Mercifully the whistle eventually blew, and they were again shepherded for a water break and split up into squads for the game.  As soon as the game started, Judah ran straight back away from the ball.  What is he doing???? I thought.  It soon became clear.  He has been so trained from our own backyard soccer that you never let anyone score on you that he sprinted straight to his goal, stood menacingly in it like a goalie (there aren't any in kindergarten soccer), and waited for the onslaught to come.  As soon as the ball got near him, he booted it away, but still didn't make any move forward.  The two forwards for the other team came in again, and again he sprinted straight at them to take the ball away -- only this time, it was like watching the butterfly emerge.  He stopped thinking and let instinct take over, taking the ball away cleanly and bursting left, actually dribbling faster than the other team could run, with the exception of one astute defended who took a beautiful angle to cut him off, tripped on his own feet, and ended up on a blooper highlight reel somewhere. Judah went racing down the field, all alone ... and paused ten feet away from the goal to drill it five feet to the left.  Oh well,I guess we'll try again next week, I thought to myself. I looked out -- he had his hands on his hips, grinning as he sprinted back to his goal.





The crazy part about the game was that it just kept happening.  The other team would come down like waves on the seashore, leaving no one back, and letting Judah and one other little flying redhead take away the ball and dribble down for chance...

after chance...

after chance. He ended up scoring 6 times in a 7-2 victory. And the look of delight was something to behold. It reminded me, just for a moment, of Eric Liddell's famous quote, later lionized in Chariots of Fire, about why he ran. "I believe that God made me for a purpose, but he made me fast.  When I run, I feel his pleasure."

Whether it's soccer or something else down the road for Judah, I was glad to be there when he first got to turn the jets on and score a goal. Can't wait for next week --if I'm not permanently banned :)

Conversations with Elijah...

(Much like conversations with God, save slightly less linear.. You know, maybe not. You be the judge.)

 Elijah:  Dad!

--I'm right next to you.

Elijah:  Daad!
-- I'm right here.

Elijah:  Daaaaaaaaaad!
--I'M RIGHT HERE, ELIJAH!  WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Elijah (walks away):  You don't have to yell, you know.

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Elijah:  Dad, do you want to hear about My Little Ponies and their special Rainbow Sparkle abilities?
--Um, no.

Elijah:  Good.  So there was this one time when .......  (continues for two minutes; honestly, I can't deal with sparkle ponies, sorry.)  Dad, isn't that exciting?
-- Um, Dad doesn't appreciate the show as much as you do .

Elijah:  Its ok. When I finish telling you this story, you will. So when Rainbow Dash met her best friend....


********************************************************************************

Elijah (approaches with a twinkle in his eye): Dad, I think that I have found a way to trick you that you will never see coming.
--Ok.

Elijah:  I --well, just wait a minute.  (writes down four or five addition problems).  All right.  You have one minute to do these  or --
--Or what?  I love a good challenge.

Elijah:  I haven't thought of it yet.  On your mark, get set, go!
-- (2.2 seconds later) Done!

Elijah:  (Thoughtfully look over the paper, nods)  Well, that was disaappointing.
Rachel:  You know, Elijah, I have a secret for you.  Your dad is really good at math in his head.  You might want to try something a little different to stump him.

Elijah:  I have it.  (Scribbles furiously) I bet he hasn't learned subtraction!

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** I have to note on this last one...  a dear friend gave him a Yoda sweatshirt for his birthday. He refuses to wear it as a jacket and instead has relegated to the toy bin, calling it a costume.  He wears it pretty much exclusively to scare Jael.  However, he was wearing it today because, lo and behold, yesterday at Target he and Judah were so impressively obedient they picked lightsabers as a reward.  He knows NOTHING about Star Wars but did somehow remember that his Yoda sweatshirt and the lightsabers were somehow related.  Thus, during this conversation he was wearing his Yoda sweatshirt brandishing a lightsaber.  Just thought it would add to the ambiance.  **


Elijah:  So what hurts more, a lightsaber or a sword?
--Well, one's not real.

Elijah:  I know.  Answer the question.
-- Well, if a lightsaber were real, I think it would hurt more.  It would probably cut you in half?

Elijah:  Would it cut Judah in half?  He's really tough.
Judah (wanders in): No. it wouldn't.

Elijah (grabs lightsaber): Let's find out.  Judah, grab a real sword.
-- And besides, I don't think Yoda's allowed to use a lighsaber.  He moves things with his mind.

Elijah (keeping in mind that he has Yoda's face on): Who's Yoda?

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Top Ten Alert: Epic Battles

Because life is too short to be snarky and think deep thoughts all the time, I present this quick -hitter.  While I wouldn't trade our life, every once in awhile (okay, every waking hour) I look up and think, "Did we really just fight about that?"

Sadly, the answer is always yes.  Without further ado... and with varied combatants, the top ten battles waged daily in our own little MMA cage known as the living room!

10.  Elijah vs Aryel ...  'Oh, you were peacefully sitting here chewing on something?  Oh, you didn't want to be the lucky recipient of another 'Aryel goes to Boston' ride?"
Winner: Elijah. Always.

9. Jael vs Aryel, round 1:  Anytime Aryel has a toy. ANYTIME.
Winner: Jael. 100%.

8. Elijah vs. Rachel -- this one happens three times a day (well, really just once, but it could happen three times a day ... 'Elijah, come get dinner.'  MOM!  Can't you see I am TOO BUSY PLAYING WITH LEGOS?  (Followed by everyone's favorite that somehow did not make the list -- ten minutes of Elijah screaming on the steps that he was unjustly railroaded and that he didn't deserve the discipline.. classic.
Winner: people who like noise at rock concert levels.  Loser: anyone else (including neighborhood animals)

7. Jael vs. Aryel, round 2:  'I might have lost round 1 (see above), but, big sister, you have such long luxurious hair..."
Winner: no one.  Loser: Jael's hair -- or what she has left after Aryel yanks half of it out.

6. Rachel vs. me -- we're good at improvisational sparring.  I'm good at starting fights, and she's good at finishing them.
Winner: Rachel

5. Judah vs. Jael: The mirror image of Jael vs. Aryel.   Judah is minding his own business on the heater when Jael comes in hips and elbows flying. If you have ever seen Legend of Drunken Master (one of my favorite Jackie Chan movies), that's approximately her style.  Judah never knows whether he should just kill her on the spot or try and talk things out, so you are treated to the odd sight of him retreating while screaming in her face, "BAD ACTION, JAEL!  BAD ACTION"
Winner: comedy routines worldwide

4. Jael vs. Aryel, final round: Jael walks by and sees that he is in a good mood --unacceptable. She clocks him on the head, to which he responds with a scream so shrill that our kitchen window shatters (ok fine, that wasn't really how it happened-- the kitchen window, that is).  The fight was real.
Winner: split decision.  More to come tomorrow, I'm sure.

3. Rachel vs. Aryel -- less of a true fight and more of an endurance contest, this battle lasts all night.  (No, really, all night -- Aryel is our best baby and worst sleeper).
Winner: Aryel -- I guarantee Rachel doesn't look like this when she wakes up after a night with him.

2. Elijah vs. Judah.  These can be pretty epic, generally involving Legos fighting and devolving into people fighting -- today's included two dragons so evil that neither one of them could be anything less than the Lord of Darkness. You can see where this gets headed.
Winner : depends on whether the fight is at striking distance (karate master Elijah) or at close range (even I won't fight Judah at close range).

1.  Jael vs. Daddy: Truly epic, these duels most often occur at the boys bedtime. It features multi-round action in which Jael is repeatedly disciplined using a variety of techniques, but generally still manages to climb their ladders, holler through our silent times, and sing her own song right over ours. She is generally hauled downstairs for the prayer, but at this point, can climb stairs so fast the advantage is negligible.  I have not yet worked up the courage to a) build a timeout cage; or b) lock her in the basement.  Both seem a little Dickensian.  In the meantime, I have this little face in my nightmares.

WINNER: My nightmares.  It's a pretty cute face, even if it is in trouble approximately 80% of its waking moments. (I'm pretty sure she put herself in timeout right after we unwedged her from the Bumbo in the photo below.)

\

So if you ever think, 'I need a little more excitement in my life, feel free to borrow some of ours. 

(Or you could just keep it -- frankly, we don't really need it back.)  Until next time... 

Sometimes, a good parenting day...

. is making all the kids cry at once!

(Jael isn't crying above, but nobody takes stock photos of their kids crying to have on hand when needed for blogposts!  Someone should think of these things!)

So while it isn't exactly my life's dream to make EVERYBODY cry, sometimes it just happens.  Rachel had gone out for some much-needed time with other ladies at a book party, which makes me jealous because if I wasn't such an introvert, I totally would have invited myself.  (Heard the joke about the introvert who threw a party... all his guests stayed in their room and thought quietly is his honor?  But I digress)

Anyhow, Rachel was gone and I had all four for the night.  Now I would like it stated for the record that I am a pro, and the children do  not scare me :) .  However, as I commented to the lady at the grocery store on Sunday when she said, "You're running those three like a well-oiled machine...", to which my reply was, "ah, but I don't have the baby.  With kids, easy is one less than you actually have,"

I was right.  Three - easy.  Four - not so much.  When we have five (we're  not having five,) four would be easy. (see below for three being easy)

Right now, however, it looks more like this -- "ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE, time for bed."  (Two go  

upstairs, one starts running for the downstairs Legos with a smirk on her little face.  Corral her to find that the toothpaste wars have begun... think Star Wars lightsaber toothbrushes.)

"ALL RIGHT, STOP IT!  Judah, in bed. Elijah, in bed. Jael, stop climbing the ladder to Elijah's bed.  Aryel, keep sitting like an angel. "  (Wait, what!)

"Dad, look!  Jael can climb the whole ladder! " (Indeed.)

"Dad, can we all jump on Elijah's bed now that Jaelster can climb ladders?"

"NO."

"Dad, why are you so mean?" (Remove Jael from ladder, where she is about to teeter off at 4 feet up -- Jael starts caterwauling)

"Dad, you let her back up there now!!!"  (Judah's overdeveloped sense of justice kicks in and he starts screaming at me.)

And so there I was -- in the middle of quiet time, I had Jael screaming that she was a big kid now, Judah defending the right of children to disobey their parents at any time and with no prior notice, Elijah screaming for everyone to be quiet, and Aryel screaming because, let's face it, it sounded like the hounds of hell were coming for us and that's a little bit scary.

What to do?

 I decided it was time to pull out my 'valuable life lessons' hat, because -- frankly-- the  baying was beginning to affect me and I couldn't remember my own name at this point, and no matter how far away I drop Jael off in the house, she comes bouncing back like a bad check.

"KIDS," I said to the older two, "there will be times when everyone around you will be making terrible noise (I resisted the urge to quote them Rudyard Kipling's  poem If), and it's especially important then that you listen.  Remember the parable of the Good Shepherd?

"YES, DAD, WE KNOW.  THE SHEEP KNOW HIS VOICE!"

And that was that -- we prayed our goodnight prayers amidst the "howling mad hullabaloo" (bonus points if you know what book that's a quote from) and went to bed.  

Glory hallelujah! (Aryel thought so too)

Like Jack Nicholson in the Shining...

"We're back!" (and about as scary).  I had all sorts of big heavy thoughts over an amazing Easter and Lenten season, but realized that's no way to reintroduce yourself.    The inner voice in my head is already saying, "Don't be that guy at the party when someone walks by and says, 'How are you?' and your response is, ' Well, could be better.  My cat just died and my girlfriend left me because apparently she was only in the relationship for the cat and the cat videos she could subsequently post on Facebook..." only to realize that the person has already walked away while you were being Eeyore.  No Eeyores here.

Just these madmen....




and this insane group ...






with a tiny little bit of this going on on Sunday morning trips to Market Basket.

Oh, and Jael is our first to really have TERRIBLE twos -- she was sashaying by the bishop in church today and I heard Fr. Ray say to the bishop, "There goes our little warrior princess. She was the one whose story was being shared on Easter morning" (there will definitely be a post about that at some point when my leaking emotions can CALM THE FREAK DOWN) to which the bishop replied, "I love it!" and I almost turned around and said, "You have no idea, but thank you" because at this point, like any good warrior princess, she has identified the enemy (us/rules of any kind) and  she is taking the fight to us 16 hours a day.  (Available for rental -- little girl with feel -good story and ability, against all odds, to whip harmful projectiles with frightening accuracy... anyone? anyone?)

And we might just be done having kids because after 3 INTENSE children, Aryel seems to have the most happy-go-lucky disposition we could have ever hoped for (here he is in his imaginary recliner)

....UNLESS you try and take his food.  Then he gives you the death stare like this...

Well, that's a re-entry post for you.  

Regular weekly thoughts that will studiously

 avoid any mention of the fact that it's an election year will follow.  Cheers!