scenes from Ina's :)

 

(Warning:  if you don't like germs, or dogs, or both-- find a different post of mine and read away to your heart's content.  This one isn't for you.)


         

         After dinner tonight, Elijah coerced Ina into letting him visit "for just five minutes," which as usual turned into twenty, so Rachel went over to rescue Ina from the clutches of the little imp.  Ten minutes after that, I ran out of books to read to Judah (really, he ran out of patience with my reading style) and we headed over to collect them and ourselves got sucked in by the fun atmosphere and the cute (albeit drooling) pups.  

           I almost never get to visit Ina anymore, so I had forgotten just how much the boys love it there. Elijah ran around from chair to chair, pausing briefly to help Ina knit and scratch the dogs' backs (which led to some sloppy kisses in return), but the real highlight of the day was provided by Judah.  Though he still says almost nothing, he has reached a point where no words are needed.  Case in point:  he came over to me and batted his big brown eyes and pointed ever so delicately to me while nodding his head, so I followed him into the kitchen.  Once there, he grunted at the light switch and held out his arms for "up."

       Thus satisfied, he maneuvered me over to the switch and flicked it off and on (does this remind you of anyone?  Judah is truly the Great Imitator) until he had sucked all fun from that activity; then, quick as you please, tried to leap from my arms. Thankfully, I was up to the task, and back to the den we went.

       That's where he amazed us.  He pulled the same stunt in the den, turning the lights on and off, until I was reminded that Mr. Dick didn't really like changing the light switch every week, which is about how fast the boys blow it out with their little neurotic on/off game, so I removed Judah from the executive chair where he was switching it from.  Undeterred, he climbed up on me, over my face and was about to start again when I killed the game by getting out of the chair and getting on the floor, apparently giving the dogs permission to lick any and all traces of dinner from me.  This meant that Judah had no way onto the chair and no way to access the switch even if he did.

      If you don't know something's impossible, you just might be able to do it.  Judah, at least, might.  He climbed up onto the chair by doing a two-hand pullup over the edge, which was pretty impressive all in its own right, but we've always known he was a little bit of a physical freak -- a little whiny from time to time, but a freak nonetheless :)  The next next bit was what made Ina and I stare.  He stood on his tippytoes and grabbed the top of the chair back with one hand and pulled himself up slowly while turning the light switch on with the other.  Blew my mind.  I actually started clapping;  honestly, I didn't know what to do.   Ina, Rachel and I just gazed in amazement for the first fifteen seconds as he clung there.  If we could have seen his face, I'm sure he would have been grinning at us.

      Finally, his strength gave out and he collapsed back to the chair seat... and tried to do it again.  I couldn't have been more proud.  Even Elijah looked up and pointed.  "MamaDada look at Judah he's climbing the chair and turning the light on he's not allowed to."  There really is no way to punctuate the LJ's sentences; maybe I'll try next year!

         Have a wonderful night all!

things I've always wanted to do at a wedding...

                                           
                                   



           In honor of my sister's upcoming wedding this Saturday, I am NOT going to take bets on the LJ's performance walking the ring down the aisle.  He did it once perfectly before, and he was six month younger, so there's no reason whatsoever he should screw it up.  Which means, being the illustrious little knight that he is, he'll probably have a nuclear meltdown on the way to the altar.  Happens to the best of us.

      No, what I was dreaming of last night are all the things that I've wanted to do at a wedding, but have never dared to.  Weddings are so-- formal.  Stiff.  Proper.  Even a bit starched, if you will.  Seriously, you think I wear the Mafia suit here every day?  (I wish-- but I think I'm in the wrong field for suits and ties on a daily basis.)


         So, why not spice it up a little?  Throw a little curve...  in no particular order, here are a few things I'm contemplating to help everyone loosen up a bit.

         #1:  Actually take the "If anyone knows a reason why these two should not be joined asunder, speak now or forever hold your peace" line seriously.  I've been to at least five weddings where I knew an excellent reason or two they shouldn't be married.  But did I ever say anything?  Of course not.  And what better way to get everyone going a bit than jumping up and saying, "Does his outstanding warrant for bank robbery count?"  and dashing out of the church.

       #2:  Dressing like a groomsman and seeing if, in all the hullabaloo after the ceremony, you can slide smoothly into the limo (a stretch Hummer, of course) and party with them on the way to the reception.  Of course, you have to pick your spots.  With my luck, I'd slide into the limo only to find out that it was bride and groom only.  Maybe I'm just going to abandon this idea.

       #3:  Convincing the organist to play Darth Vader's theme (or, alternately, Ride of the Valkyries) as the bride makes her way down.  And yes, if anyone reading this has actually met me, you'll know that the Queen and I almost pulled this off at our own wedding.  We got Darth Vader's theme at the REHEARSAL.  So close.  But I mean... how cool would that be?

      #4: Putting Elijah on my shoulders and having him catch the garter.  On the one hand, this would be mortifying.  I've avoided the garter like it was the plague my whole life.  But as Elijah has no real idea what's going on, I think this would be a riot, mainly for the fifty questions he'd be asking the poor bride about what the garter was.

                                                

     
      Finally, I think that the last way that I would loosen up a wedding is to cut out the two hours of pictures between ceremony and reception.  Nothing (and I understand that I'm a man, so feel free to cut me and my unrealistic twaddle down to size, ladies) kills the general joy at a wedding faster than having to wait two hours between what's almost always a lovely ceremony and an anticipated (say that three times fast) feast at the reception.  I understand that it takes the bride thirty minutes to go to the bathroom and bustle and re-bustle the dress, etc., but there's gotta be a way that avoids the yawning chasm of pictures and prep so long that by the time the bride and groom arrive, what seems to be cheering is really a massive sigh of relief that the food is on its way.  If the eating started half an hour after the end of the ceremony, THAT would be something to cheer about!  Unfortunately, I haven't figured out how to do that yet... :(

       (And this is the face LJ makes when he's waiting for his food... )

         
                        Have a good night all!!!            

how to get your husband to punch himself in three easy steps...

(cut to photo of the Queen looking quite pleased with herself)

                   This little 3-step setup happened on Memorial Day weekend, worthy of a wondrous post in its own right, but probably not going to get one because of all the craziness it's sandwiched between... with that apology out of the way, this is how the lovely lady pulled it off:

 
                   First, she bewildered me with her good looks.  Since she has been losing so much weight and toning up recently, she has inherited a bunch of "new to her" clothes from her younger sister, who is doing the exact same thing, only Laura started six months earlier... so Rach gets all her old clothes.  In turn, Rach will bust out a sparkling new outfit every couple of weeks to turn my head.  It works.  Frankly, a little too well.  I never saw step two coming.

                   Second,  she relaxed me and the other two vigilant back-seat knights into a stupor-like state on our drive to Gloucester.  (This was possibly the hardest step, because getting Judah to stop squealing at this phase is nigh impossible-- the poor man wants to do everything Elijah can but he isn't allowed to yet!  And thus he shrills!!  Ugh!)  The two boys were slumped out napping; I leaned against the window and enjoyed my life.

                  Third, she pulled the rug out-- or in this case, rolled up the window.  Though to this day she swears it was "totally unintentional," she rolled the window out from under my arm, which caused me to jerk my arm involuntarily back into the car-- full speed.  Which is where my unsuspecting face was leaning, blissfully thinking my wife was attractive.  It didn't really think that anymore after I punched myself full-speed.  In fact, my brain didn't think much of anything for a little while after that.  I may have become the first person I know to give myself a concussion.  




                And that's why the Queen looks so smirky-- she's smart enough to get her husband to punch himself in the face for her.  Is there anything a woman like that can't do?


               And that's why I love her... she's Wonder Woman.




              Have a good night all!

morning and evening...

          ... is a) the title of a wonderful devotional by Charles Spurgeon, the great 19th century preacher and orator, for those so inclined, and b) have been added to the list of times these young knights have been haunting the neighborhood :0

    A couple days ago, Ina asked if our family was nervous about possibly getting new neighbors, as our fabulous next-door neighbors Al and Pat have been hinting about downsizing and moving closer to their sons.  "Are you kidding?"  Rachel said.  "I'm not worried at all.  They have to live 5 feet away from us!"  I thought that was pretty apropos on an evening where these two crazies pictured here suckered me into thinking they were tired...

                                      

                  ... and have spent the next hour and a half keeping each other awake.  In a moment of weakness, Elijah has actually broken me down to the point where in order to keep him quiet and allow me to type this for more than two keystrokes at a time, I have allowed him to read with his BIG BRIGHT room light on.
                                      
   
          Oh well, it'll give the Queen something to ponder (how is the blue blazes did he turn that light on?) when she gets home from her night about town.  Then again, when your son is the Human Crab (see above), it would only make sense that he could scuttle up bureaus like nobody's business.


             Have a wonderful (and peaceful) night!

he's ready, but I'm not....

Someone decided to potty-train themself today!  (I put the exclamation point in because I'm supposed to be happy.)   I'm not.  I'm terrified.  Quite frankly, I'm not completely sure why I'm terrified, but I've identified a few reasons right off hand:

      #1:   This very well be the biggest and the stupidest.  I'm a prude... to the point where Rachel has actually walked around the house giggling at me singing "I'm a Prude and I Know It" (tune of 'Sexy and I Know It") just because I can't handle nudity.  The fact that there will now be man-parts being flashed at all hours of the day is a little too much for me to handle.  Jeez, I don't even change in front of my wife and now Elijah is just walking up to me, whipping off his pants, and saying, "you want to see my [insert whatever you call it here] when I go potty?"  Yup, I'm definitely not ready for that yet.

                                       


         #2:   It's a rite of passage.  Granted, it's a rite of passage that everyone else's three-year-old has already hurdled, but we male Nimons have always taken our own sweet time with this one.  (I could read and almost write the alphabet before I was potty-trained, which is saying something.)  With the advent of this, I can no longer hide and pretend I have little boys anymore.  Heck, Judah was grunting at the potty and tugging on his pants.  God help us all.

        #3:  It's a total surprise... and on a week where I'm running around like a headless chicken (how's that for an appetizing metaphor!) trying to tidy up four jobs and prep for the arrival of the great GrammyPa (that's be two people, much like we are MamaDaddy) and GreatGrammaDale on Thursday, this one hit me like stepping on a rake-POW!  I'm totally out of sorts.

                                   

   #4:  That's his potty face-- he always looks like he's meditating.


   #5:  I realized that I'm totally averse to change-- and like anything else that breaks up my routine, I'm having a brutal time of it.  No longer is it change the diaper, carry on, it's a whole new fun way of life where we take off all his getup, he sits down for two minutes, demands that I leave because he 'needs his privacy,' (wonder who he gets that from?) and then gets bored while I'm in the other room and runs around naked until I realize that he's a high-risk candidate for watering the stove.  While I get Elijah, Judah wanders in, picks up the potty and struts around like he's just won the lottery.  (Thankfully, I don't think he fully understands the idea of a toilet yet.)  Repeat this a few times, and I'm right back to the days of being the parent of a newborn-- wild hair, crazy eyes, and mumbling unintelligible things.  So.... all this brings me to my point.


          Against every fiercely independent fiber in my Yankee body, I'm asking for advice--what are some good tips as a parent to acclimate to this wondrous new world??  "Get over it!"  has already been suggested, thanks very much ;)

        Have a wonderful night all!  (Oh, and I really am proud of my LJ-- he's pretty awesome in my book!)

children in morning, parents take warning ...

  Remember that old nursery rhyme-- "Red sky at night, sailor's delight.  Red sky in morning, sailors take warning!" ?  I'm abridging it a wee bit.  'Children at night, parents duck out of sight.  Children in morning, parents take warning!"

                                    

       And in our case, I don't mind them in the morning at all... but the only time that I get to myself typically runs from about 4:30- 6:00 am.  I'm pretty sure they've sniffed this out, because the last two days they've been up at 5:25.  And worse-- they started talking amongst themselves and are taking turns.  Two days ago, LJ took the early shift and wanted to eat cereal with me at 5:15.  Today, he woke up just long enough to holler a couple times as I shot into his room to calm him down, which was surprisingly easy.  Turns out he was just giving the 'all clear' for Judah, who poked his cute little head up and started 'talking' through the door at us as soon as Elijah went back to sleep.  I don't care if he is only 15 months old; Judah's going to sleep in LJ's room sooner rather than later.  Then they can yap at each other all they want and I DON'T HAVE TO WAKE UP TO SHUSH THEM... just saying.

     The other person who has to watch out for the 'children in morning' is the "beautiful mama," as Elijah likes to call her.  I'm going to let her do a Mother's Day post tomorrow, but one of my highlights was at 8:30 in the morning--  we (the three knights) had been up since 5:30, and were getting a wee bit restless.  Rachel had been out the night before for some pre-Mother's Day celebrating and had stayed up until 11 or so, which is waaaaaay past her bedtime, so we agreed she could catch some beauty sleep until 8:30 or 9.

                                      

      I outlined the plan to my two lieutenants.  We would tiptoe upstairs, I would give Rachel a kiss, and Elijah would whisper "I love you" to her and give her a present.  It would have worked very well except lieutenant #1 only listened to HALF of the instructions.  He tiptoed upstairs quietly like a champ-- then improvised.  Bursting through the door, he screamed, "SURPRISE, BEAUTIFUL MAMA!  WE LOVE YOU!"  Rachel's awakening was, um, abrupt... and I have the utmost respect for her that after the first terrified gasp, she actually enjoyed her little ceremony without killing anyone.  And's that why I love her-- at least one of the reasons.

          Yup, children in morning-- take in low doses.  Have a good night all!

Things I actually said today

   No picture today... so you will just have to use your imagination.  These are things I actually said today-- context given after the quote.

    "To be clear, is he planning on working all day or watching the child?"  -- to a mom-to-be at our church small group tonight.  She had just explained to me that her researcher husband will be watching the newborn child while working two days a week.  I'm tentatively dubious.

    "Can you please not walk with a penguin in your mouth?  I don't want you to fall down and kill yourself." -- to Elijah, who was carrying so many plastic penguins he had to carry them in his mouth.

    "Come over here now or I will not change your diaper and check your man-parts!"  -- Elijah again, using any leverage I can to get him to come over for a diaper change.

    "Really?  Really?  Really!"   --- to Judah, in sheer exasperation that he literally had to be held for fifteen minutes straight or else scream like Banshee from X-Men at any hint of me placing him on the floor.

   "Yeah, he's one.  If you don't want him to touch it maybe you should move it out from under his hands."  -- to a six-year-old at small group, who was very upset that after he put his shiny globe literally under Judah's nose, Judah then played with it without asking permission.

   Finally, a throwback reference to yesterday:   "Uh-huh, yesterday was pretty rough.  I felt bad for Rachel, though.  She essentially had to deal with three cranky men all day, and the only distinguishing feature between me and them was that I finally grew out of diapers."

   Well, I can't take it back now.  The life lesson here is that when you have kids, you may as well trade your dignity for a minivan-- you're only going to one of them over the next twenty years.

         Have a wonderful night all!

   
               

I don't think I fit into the routine :)

               I say this as cheerfully as possible, but I think I owe my whole family an apology.  You see, today was a rain-filled day, which in my world will occasionally mean that I get to stay home with them.  About three years ago, this seemed awesome.  Time at home with the new little Elijah giving the Queen a nap (especially because the first four weeks after he was born I was working 65-hour weeks) meant a smoother situation for everyone.  About a year ago, it wasn't too bad.  Now, when I stay home, it's pretty awful.

              I think half of it is me.  When it's gray and lonely, I'm pretty rough to live with.  Elijah doesn't seem to mind because he's my doppleganger-- he's just as irritable as I am.  Judah doesn't seem to mind because for the past month, it doesn't really matter what's going on around him, he just whines.  We're all hoping that this phase clears pretty quickly-- he's such a delightful child when happy, and such a delight-sucking child when whining.  But even after all that, it's at least half me.

             Which leaves the poor Rachel/ "beautiful mama."  She now has not two cranky young knights to deal with , but three.  Things that used to be fun, like lunch, degenerate into serious dicussions of how to parent as each of us feels like our parenting styles are being questioned.

             By dinnertime, EVERYONE was ready for war.  Humorously enough, dinner was a war.  It's not often that a + b = c at this house, but this was one time that we all could see the storm coming; it's just that we weren't smart enough to get out of its way.

                              

         So I think we learned a few life lessons today.  (Honestly, we already knew these; we just forget a lot-- at least I do.)

            1)  I should NEVER stay home from work unless I am actively playing a lengthy video game;  in my case, free time = hell.

            2) Naps and me do not agree.  (I passed out from 1-3pm, with disastrous results.)

            3)  Rachel is awesome!!  (By anyone's definition of justifiable homicide, she could have killed Judah and I today; a liberal judge probably would have let her off the hook for Elijah too.)

            4)  Even awful days have redeeming qualities; the boys and I sneaked out at 4 and got her something special for Mother's Day under the guise of a walk!

         Hope you all are having a fantastic night!  (I know I am; I'm sitting by myself in peace and quiet!)

it's gonna be exciting!

          Every once in awhile, it's hard to see out of a gray tunnel up here in the oh-so-lovely North.  (Brief aside: any weather people out there able to tell me why it averaged about 68 in March but is somewhere near 55 so far in May??)
          Work is either sitting at home waiting for the clouds to clear or doing incredibly fun things like move furniture and investigating crawl spaces with cobwebs very much like these.

                                          

            So on days like today, I choose to look forward to things in the not-so-distant future that just might snap me out of my funk.

            Some of them include:  1)  spending a little early-morning time with this little snuggler and his 'faceplug,' since he has taken up the "someone must wake up at 5:30 to make sure Dad's up!" mantle from his older brother.




      2) This one will probably make the lovely Naomi Deckert happier than anyone else-- I finally finished my amazing video game Valkyria Chronicles (highly recommended for anyone who likes great sweeping dramatic/ romantic stories combined with strategic battlecraft), which means that I'm launching back into the world of writing some stories or novels at night... I can't decide between finishing a longer book that I've already started or writing a shorter story about the unwitting escapades of  a very small detective.  Either way, I'm happy for the chance.

     3) I'm looking forward to completing the training process so that Elijah can make me coffee unassisted-- he thinks he can right now but the last time he did everything right save putting the cup underneath the Keurig... thank goodness for eagle-eyed Judah!!  (Anyways, it's fun now that they want to do almost everything with me.  It might take a little longer, but I know the days are coming where I won't be able to dig up help if I had a backhoe.)

                                 
 

      4)  Finally, I'm thankful to be invited to celebrate the wedding of my sister Kristin as on June 2nd, she becomes Kristin Carroll... it has such a nice 'ring' to it!  She may regret the invitation once all three of us knights show up in our shining suits of armor/ polyester, but at least the Queen will make an appearance!

        Hopefully you have some similar delights coming your way soon.... have a wonderful night!

When life throws you a squirrel,

make squirrel-ade!  (ok, that's just disgusting!)

 
 Actually, today life did throw us a squirrel and it was a bit of a night-saver.

         Lately, Judah has been (I hesitate to use the term 'mamas boy') a bit more sensitive to the EXACT location of the Queen.   LJ has always been a bit of an independent young knight, telling us to 'go away!' pretty much since he could form the words, but Judah has always trended a bit more loving/ cautious.  And then he got clingy.  Yup, Rachel leaving for work the past three weeks has been a bit... louder.

        So after I did the dishes and put the food away, it was time for a walk around town in their red Radio Flyer wagon, or really anything that would make them shut up.  (I'm clearly aiming for parent of the year here.)  The plan failed inasmuch as Elijah didn't shut up at all; rather, he kept a running commentary on our every movement that occasionally paused for breath.  And thus it was that 45 minutes later we arrived home with the only things keeping me going being the sovereignty of God and the promise of fresh-brewed coffee upon arrival.

        We were about to go in the house when I heard an awful scratching sound.  It sounded like a dog knawing on a bone high in the air above us.  Since I'd never seen a flying dog before, I was a little concerned.  (If you thought a pigeon letting one go on your head was bad, wait until you get nailed by a flying St. Bernard!)  It turned out that indeed an animal was eating a bone high above us, but no luck on the dog front.  It was our friendly neighborhood angry squirrel.  40 feet above us in the tree, he placidly knawed on an old bone (Ina and I figured out later that it might have belonged to her dogs eons ago), presenting a sight I had never seen before.

       Suffice it to say that we live in enough of an urban area that this is kinda a big deal.  For the next 20 minutes, coffee was forgotten; Ina and Mary got out of the car and joined us in our little act of squirrel voyeurism.   It obligingly ran from limb to limb and finally perched up atop our telephone pole for five minutes before losing its grip and abruptly dropping the bone a couple feet from Judah, then causing a bit of consternation by racing down the tree at us before neatly disappearing (poof!) into the tree itself.   At that point, this brave knight, laughing hysterically, grabbed his children and ran inside before they could find something to poke into the little hole where I'm guessing Mr. Squirrel has made his abode.

        It's not quite 'the wild,' but it was fun to get out and about tonight... however, this suburbanite thinks that's about all he wants to see of wild animals this month!

        Have a wonderful night!

   

when things get a little crazy...

this house does it right!!!

   And by right I mean LOTS of really awful dancing by the boys .. and better dancing by the Queen!  (of course)  Basically, the only thing I'm good at is picking the music... but I'm really good at picking the music!

         Without further ado, here are five songs that really get these boys flying all over the kitchen:


5.  Rain over Me --  (Marc Antony with Pitbull)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmM0653YvXU&feature=related

4. YMCA -- Village People  (actually, I'm not sure that we've ever listened to this...just look below)

    3.  You're the Lion of Judah by Robin Mark-- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOYlr_42FUU  --  (and really, they just sing along pacing themselves until 3:20, when the Irish step breaks out... then ALL BETS ARE OFF -- and sometimes Elijah's pants!!

This is Judah's attempt at cage dancing... probably to our #2 song, Forever by Chris Brown -- and if you haven't seen it, the wedding dance to this song is worth the watching-- I totally would have done this at our wedding if the song had been made yet... we just got married 2 yrs too early! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0 )

 

And the #1 song in our kitchen is definitely Dynamite by Taio Cruz (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KghS5W7nvzs&feature=fvst) ... when he was Judah's age, Elijah would throw his hands up at the chorus and dance around like a madman... there was one Christmas that he got almost everyone dancing with him-- it was pretty funny.

           Like I said, I know how to pick the music ... have a wonderful night all!

the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...

     because I think that LJ inherited his storytelling from me!   (At this point I can hear Rachel's voice in my head, "you mean his stories are never quite true and always a little overly dramatic just like yours?")  And while it's true that I am prone (and LJ as well at times) to a wee bit of exaggeration, I always draw back on my mentor Dr. Peter Stine's saying:  "When the truth and the facts collide, the truth must ALWAYS win out."

      Honestly, I don't know how true the following story is (I wasn't there for most of it), but this is what happened when I tried to put Elijah to bed tonight:

      Micah:   LJ, Daddy has to leave in one minute... who do you want to pray for tonight?

      LJ:   Hmmm.... Grammy and Pa.  And Auntie Laura and the baby in Auntie's tummy, and...

     Micah:  Ummm.... Auntie's not pregnant.

       LJ:  Yes she is!

    Micah:  No, I'm pretty sure on this one.

        LJ:  Oh, ok.  (Looks at me like I have no idea what I'm talking about since he just saw her and I didn't.)  We pray for GrammyPa, auntie with no baby, GreatGramma Dale, Aunt Robbin, GreatGramma Dale....

      Micah:  Oh, you remember GreatGramma Dale?

    LJ:  Mmmm-hmmm.  I really like GreatGramma Dale.

     Micah:  Oh, why?

   LJ:  (in a totally dissociate voice, like he's reading a story)  Because I whacked Baby Bekah (who is older than Judah) and she told me that was mean and she was telling my mother so I not do it again.

    Micah:  And that's why you like her?

   LJ: Yeah!  Yeah!  I hit Baby Bekah and GreatGramma said, "I get your mommy and I make you stop!"

    Micah:  (giggling uncontrollably)  So did you stop?

   LJ:  Well, I stopped but she goes to get mommy anyway, but she couldn't.

    Micah:  (has no words)

  LJ:  (pauses)  Because Mommy was washing her hair in the tub with a huge hose!


 -- At this point I completely abandoned the prayer time and listened/ howled with laughter to/ at him for the next five minutes (so much for leaving right away) as he told me all about it.  You, my wonderful audience, will have to let me know if this is totally normal for 3-yr-olds to just go on and on like this, but at least this time it was funny-- and I hadn't seen the incident.  Sometimes it's just a running commentary on what he's doing WHILE WE'RE WATCHING HIM DO IT.  That's less cool.


          Have a wonderful night all!