In honor of my sister's upcoming wedding this Saturday, I am NOT going to take bets on the LJ's performance walking the ring down the aisle. He did it once perfectly before, and he was six month younger, so there's no reason whatsoever he should screw it up. Which means, being the illustrious little knight that he is, he'll probably have a nuclear meltdown on the way to the altar. Happens to the best of us.
So, why not spice it up a little? Throw a little curve... in no particular order, here are a few things I'm contemplating to help everyone loosen up a bit.
#1: Actually take the "If anyone knows a reason why these two should not be joined asunder, speak now or forever hold your peace" line seriously. I've been to at least five weddings where I knew an excellent reason or two they shouldn't be married. But did I ever say anything? Of course not. And what better way to get everyone going a bit than jumping up and saying, "Does his outstanding warrant for bank robbery count?" and dashing out of the church.
#2: Dressing like a groomsman and seeing if, in all the hullabaloo after the ceremony, you can slide smoothly into the limo (a stretch Hummer, of course) and party with them on the way to the reception. Of course, you have to pick your spots. With my luck, I'd slide into the limo only to find out that it was bride and groom only. Maybe I'm just going to abandon this idea.
#3: Convincing the organist to play Darth Vader's theme (or, alternately, Ride of the Valkyries) as the bride makes her way down. And yes, if anyone reading this has actually met me, you'll know that the Queen and I almost pulled this off at our own wedding. We got Darth Vader's theme at the REHEARSAL. So close. But I mean... how cool would that be?
#4: Putting Elijah on my shoulders and having him catch the garter. On the one hand, this would be mortifying. I've avoided the garter like it was the plague my whole life. But as Elijah has no real idea what's going on, I think this would be a riot, mainly for the fifty questions he'd be asking the poor bride about what the garter was.
Finally, I think that the last way that I would loosen up a wedding is to cut out the two hours of pictures between ceremony and reception. Nothing (and I understand that I'm a man, so feel free to cut me and my unrealistic twaddle down to size, ladies) kills the general joy at a wedding faster than having to wait two hours between what's almost always a lovely ceremony and an anticipated (say that three times fast) feast at the reception. I understand that it takes the bride thirty minutes to go to the bathroom and bustle and re-bustle the dress, etc., but there's gotta be a way that avoids the yawning chasm of pictures and prep so long that by the time the bride and groom arrive, what seems to be cheering is really a massive sigh of relief that the food is on its way. If the eating started half an hour after the end of the ceremony, THAT would be something to cheer about! Unfortunately, I haven't figured out how to do that yet... :(
(And this is the face LJ makes when he's waiting for his food... )
Have a good night all!!!
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