Sadly, the answer is always yes. Without further ado... and with varied combatants, the top ten battles waged daily in our own little MMA cage known as the living room!
10. Elijah vs Aryel ... 'Oh, you were peacefully sitting here chewing on something? Oh, you didn't want to be the lucky recipient of another 'Aryel goes to Boston' ride?"
Winner: Elijah. Always.
9. Jael vs Aryel, round 1: Anytime Aryel has a toy. ANYTIME.
Winner: Jael. 100%.
8. Elijah vs. Rachel -- this one happens three times a day (well, really just once, but it could happen three times a day ... 'Elijah, come get dinner.' MOM! Can't you see I am TOO BUSY PLAYING WITH LEGOS? (Followed by everyone's favorite that somehow did not make the list -- ten minutes of Elijah screaming on the steps that he was unjustly railroaded and that he didn't deserve the discipline.. classic.
Winner: people who like noise at rock concert levels. Loser: anyone else (including neighborhood animals)
7. Jael vs. Aryel, round 2: 'I might have lost round 1 (see above), but, big sister, you have such long luxurious hair..."
Winner: no one. Loser: Jael's hair -- or what she has left after Aryel yanks half of it out.
6. Rachel vs. me -- we're good at improvisational sparring. I'm good at starting fights, and she's good at finishing them.
Winner: Rachel
5. Judah vs. Jael: The mirror image of Jael vs. Aryel. Judah is minding his own business on the heater when Jael comes in hips and elbows flying. If you have ever seen Legend of Drunken Master (one of my favorite Jackie Chan movies), that's approximately her style. Judah never knows whether he should just kill her on the spot or try and talk things out, so you are treated to the odd sight of him retreating while screaming in her face, "BAD ACTION, JAEL! BAD ACTION"
Winner: comedy routines worldwide
4. Jael vs. Aryel, final round: Jael walks by and sees that he is in a good mood --unacceptable. She clocks him on the head, to which he responds with a scream so shrill that our kitchen window shatters (ok fine, that wasn't really how it happened-- the kitchen window, that is). The fight was real.
Winner: split decision. More to come tomorrow, I'm sure.
3. Rachel vs. Aryel -- less of a true fight and more of an endurance contest, this battle lasts all night. (No, really, all night -- Aryel is our best baby and worst sleeper).
Winner: Aryel -- I guarantee Rachel doesn't look like this when she wakes up after a night with him.
2. Elijah vs. Judah. These can be pretty epic, generally involving Legos fighting and devolving into people fighting -- today's included two dragons so evil that neither one of them could be anything less than the Lord of Darkness. You can see where this gets headed.
Winner : depends on whether the fight is at striking distance (karate master Elijah) or at close range (even I won't fight Judah at close range).
1. Jael vs. Daddy: Truly epic, these duels most often occur at the boys bedtime. It features multi-round action in which Jael is repeatedly disciplined using a variety of techniques, but generally still manages to climb their ladders, holler through our silent times, and sing her own song right over ours. She is generally hauled downstairs for the prayer, but at this point, can climb stairs so fast the advantage is negligible. I have not yet worked up the courage to a) build a timeout cage; or b) lock her in the basement. Both seem a little Dickensian. In the meantime, I have this little face in my nightmares.
WINNER: My nightmares. It's a pretty cute face, even if it is in trouble approximately 80% of its waking moments. (I'm pretty sure she put herself in timeout right after we unwedged her from the Bumbo in the photo below.)
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So if you ever think, 'I need a little more excitement in my life, feel free to borrow some of ours.
(Or you could just keep it -- frankly, we don't really need it back.) Until next time...
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