Lawyered!

I work in an industry where we deal frequently with members of the legal profession, so the potential for getting an email in which it takes 4 paragraphs to say absolutely nothing is high.  Nowhere, though, is the potential for getting lawyered nearly so high as stepping through my own front door to greet the firstborn. 

From the out-of-nowhere rant that shows that I guess he was listening to good-morning Bible story after all ( my comment to a sick Elijah, " you should go to sleep.  Sleep makes everything better."
His impassioned retort, "Are you kidding?  What about the little girl in the Bible story that was sick? (Luke 8 for reference if needed)  She lay in bed for a month and slept all the time?  AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?  (Unfortunately, I did know where he was going).  SHE DIED!  Do you really think that I'll get better just by sleeping?  (Yes, but after that grandstanding performance, I wasn't about to say so.) DO YOU?"

So I shouldn't have been surprised today that that I got lawyered again.  It crept up on me as I was explaining the new bedtime policies to the kids.  Apparently, no one liked the way I tucked them in at night, but it took a REALLY bad night for me to see the error of my ways.  Anywho, I was in the middle of explaining that I would not be a screaming maniac anymore, but would instead be a calm force doling out love and rationale discipline if necessary.  Not surprising, this was not a moment my little solicitor-in-training could pass up.  "I don't believe you, Dad."

"Beg pardon, Elijah?"
"I don't believe you.  I don't think that you will go all night without yelling at me, and I don't like it."
"That's fair, Elijah, especially after last night.  But I promise you that I will do my best to be calm and just take away minutes of TV if you are naughty."
(Without hesitation) "Well, if I bit someone really hard, I think that you would yell at me."
"Bit someone?" I was trying so hard not to giggle) " Well, I wouldn't yell, but I might have to take away a lot of minutes of your show.  Maybe three."
"Two.  I think two would be fair."
"Um, this isn't a negotiation.  I will take away as many as I need to make you stop biting. I might even have to remove you quickly."
"That doesn't seem fair at all. What if I don't want you to grab me while I'm biting?  Plus, I think it should be two minutes."
"Elijah, do you know how you could get no minutes taken away?"

He was genuinely puzzled.

"DON'T BITE ANYONE!"

"See, Dad, I knew you'd yell."  And I was lawyered!  I should just resign my job if I can't outthink a 7-yr-old...