Vegetables and I...

... have had a long and somewhat adversarial relationship. Just last year, I was disgusted that my beautiful wife had asked me to cook for a night and had left me with rotten broccoli for beef and broccoli, of all things. So we had a lovely dish that was heavy on the beef and a teeny-weeny bit light on the broccoli. When I got the inevitable criticism, I angrily retorted that if she didn't get me broccoli that was half orange, I wouldn't have to throw it away, at which point she started giggling. Apparently organic broccoli doesn't have to be forest green like the genetically altered stuff. Who knew?

And yet, in part because my mom so lovingly poured good nutrition in vegetable form into us as children, I have slowly come around to the realization that I don't like vegetables, but I feel better when I eat them. And thus Rachel wants me to tell you about the delicious kale soup that I made us on Sunday.

It's supposed to look like this:

Even more insulting, the difficulty level is "Easy." Easy? I'll show you what's easy. Making pancakes from scratch? Easy as pie-- actually easier. Making tapioca pudding? Simple. Boxed mac and cheese? With my eyes shut. Cakes, cookies, brownies, stroganoff, Italian food, even pan-Asian cuisine... easy. KALE? NOT EASY.

First of all, no one told me that you were only supposed to put the leaves (and thus, not the stalks) in the stew-- that might be where it acquired its deathly bitter taste. Second, my wife forgot (and to be fair, I didn't ask) to tell me that half of the stew was going to our good friends-- thus, I ruined two meals instead of just our own. Finally, and probably most importantly, no one told me the one thing that needs be told me (and my grandfather Wilson, and Elijah Wilson-- he comes by it honestly) before any culinary adventure: don't mess with the recipe. I don't like tomatoes, so I would have cut back except they were in a can and I couldn't. Thankfully, I could scale back the green peppers and add a few extra onions. Sherry? Don't mind if I do-- I doubled it. Didn't have saffron, so I left it out. A little extra pepper, and it all smelled delicious.

The one small problem was how it tasted.

I think that's how we all felt. And now my family knows. Don't trust this knight with vegetables. He simply doesn't value them enough. On a good note, we thankfully had some leftover waffles that I had made that morning-- delicious! Have a wonderful night all!