WARNING: This post is designed to scare anyone recently married or about to be married from having kids anytime soon ;)
For those of us already with kids, it might sound like a typical day at the office, so to speak...
So it's Wednesday, and the Queen is off to work. Elijah is playing quietly by himself (glory halleluljah!) so Judah and I head off to the bathroom. Normally he runs around and thinks he's being naughty by trying to dive into the bathtub while I get ten minutes of relative quiet to himself, and all is right with the world. Not today. Today he figures out that the bucket of my toiletries is available for throwing all over the bathroom, and immediately starts destroying the entire room, item by item.
This calamitous noise naturally attracts the attention of the LJ, who isn't about to let a good mess pass him by. He lumbers in and joins the mayhem. Seeing this, Judah gives up and starts trying to climb up on me. Maybe you, dear reader, are one of those types who is naturally free and easy, but I'm not. I wouldn't even change with the other kids after sports practice in high school. Now I am sitting on the can with a 10-month-old attempting to scale me like K2 or Everest. Ugh!!!
It gets better, though. Apparently Elijah figured out that he couldn't destroy anything else on the floor and turned his attentions elsewhere, because as I slung Judah as far away as I could for the fifteenth time, Elijah (with an eerily timed bonzai! yell) pulled the curtains down with a crash! The curtains are ten feet away from the loo, as the Brits would say. All of a sudden I actually wanted Judah crawling on me for modesty's sake. Sensing this, he went to play with the curtains. Curse you, Judah. Seriously.
So huddled under as many books as I could find, two small madmen prancing around with glee, what would naturally happen but my cell phone ringing. It's the Queen. "Just wanted to let you know," she said cheerfully, "my work didn't need me after all. I think I'm going to stop by for a book and go read at Starbucks for the evening. I feel like I've earned it." (Parenthetically, she had, but I didn't really feel like conceding this at that point.) "How are you all doing?"
I told her. I'm pretty sure she wished she hadn't asked.
If you want to continue through life with your dignity intact, just remember (especially you ladies-- dignity is definitely checked at the ER doors during childbirth) kids aren't the way to go -- in spite of that, I'm glad we had them, even if it was the end of all things modest and staid. Have a wonderful night!
No comments:
Post a Comment