good morning!

.... is rarely, if ever, what I say to the poor Queen who tries to gently wake me up at 5:30 in the morning to let me know that Judah is hungry. Because I know that as soon as I get up, something like this will occur for the next two hours:

5:30 Bring Judah downstairs, where he will drink two ounces in one minute and then spend the next ten minutes screeching at me that he's not hungry.

5:40 Judah angrily gulps the rest of the bottle with a look that when translated, clearly says, "why didn't you feed me earlier?" When done, he gives me a big six-toothed grin, then spits up on my face.

5:45 Judah starts playing independently, lost in his own world... victory! Time to make the coffee. As I sneak out of the room, guided by a sixth sense that the LJ never had, he starts crying while machine-gun crawling at me. (Seriously, this is a crazy trait of his-- he will play independently as long as there is a parent in the room, but he WON'T play unsupervised. It drives Rachel absolutely batty.)

5:47 Drag Judah into kitchen, forget what I came for, and settle in to start reading Galatians.

5:48 Judah crawls halfway up stairs and screeches, waking the LJ, who shoots downstairs talking a mile a minute. and bowling Judah over, which sets off more screeching... I have a headache already... maybe we'll go to the basement, except it looks like a three man hurricane hit it...

5:55 Which reminds me that I forgot to make the coffee. I enlist Elijah's help (he LOVES to push the button to brew it) and hallelujah! it's coffee time.

6:10 Elijah is hungry and is getting unavoidable in his pursuit of "Life cereal! Life cereal! Life cereal!" To which I say, "Do we get what we want when we yell?" In reply, he whispers, "Life cereal please! Life cereal please!" A small triumph for parenting.

6:25 After our "eating cereal together," and about a quart of milk spilled on the table between us, it's shower time.

6:30 Is there anything more enjoyable than taking a shower with a) Elijah running in every half second to inform me that he's "eatin' cucumber!" b) Judah knocking shaving cream cans on my foot in his attempt to join me in the shower, and c) intermittent screaming as Elijah clips Judah every so often as he does laps around the bathroom... no, I didn't think so.

6:31 I remember that "cucumber" is code for "jalapeno" and scream "You're not allowed to eat that!" Crisis averted. (Throwing spouse under the bus alert: I have no idea why Rachel lets him play with the old jalapenos, although to her credit he's been totally able to handle it so far.)

6:32 To both our great surprise, Judah actually does join me in the shower! Poor little fellow, I think it freaked him out a little to just somersault over the edge. Anyway, this shower's done two minutes after it started. At least I work construction-- and keep an emergency can of Axe in the truck for the days I really need to smell decent.

6:40 Ah! I'm dressed, about to take my first sip of coffee-- and it's really quiet.

6:42 Finally found where the boys had sneaked off to... good news and bad news. The good news-- Elijah is becoming more and more obedient and a good listener and he really took to heart the instruction to not eat his jalapenos. Bad news-- he's getting craftier in his old age. He decided that if he couldn't eat the jalapenos, maybe his brother could. Intercepted that one just in time.

6:55 Decide that going to work sounds like a very good use of my day... wake up the slumbering Queen and bolt through the doors like a prisoner just granted his release. When I tell them all that I love them and can't wait to see them at 5:00, I mean it. But those ten hours of sanity in between... I love them too.