A Moderately More Serious Thought, Part 2

Well, this family has just returned from fighting some epic battles in the wilds of Maine (although most of the battle was actually getting to the wilds of Maine), but that's a story for another day -- like tomorrow (How's that for a big market tease combined with a shameless plug...); anyways, today I wanted simply to complete a column started a week ago reflecting on envy. A weekend spent with young, good-looking, energetic people (most of whom are related to me, which I think makes the envy worse) who have no kids to take care of (though some of them were good enough to chase after and occasionally be bashed in the head by my two marauders) and no old age-imposed bedtimes is enough to drive anyone to serious envy-- so without further ado, I continue the list of what I've wanted to be over the years. Hopefully, in fifteen years, Elijah can 1) read this without cracking up, which is unlikely; 2) read this without having wished for some of the dopey things I've wasted my life trying to be.

2000- wished I was one of the cool kids who were king and queen of the prom. Actually got myself into the finals, which would have been cooler if I had 1) won, instead of being what winners like to call "first loser"; or 2) not stayed up all night after prom and fallen asleep at the beach the next day, leading to a sunburn so bad on the back of my legs that I waddled, not walked, across the graduation stage 2 days later. Yup-- when they say envy burns, I took it pretty literally.

2001-- Wished I had brought a sleeping bag when I drove eight hours to visit my girlfriend in Pennsylvania, only to find that it was basically closed at night and had to sleep in the car-- it was a little chilly. Did I mention I went in February?

2001- Wished I hadn't gone to visit her at all when she dumped me over the phone and ended our four-year relationship when I was asleep. My roommate (who would be the best man at my wedding four years later) still laughs to this day because he woke me to take the call (this is back in the days before cellphones, kids... or at least back when the cellphones were as big as your head), and I guess I talked for about fifteen minutes before she ended it. He asked me what had happened and why she would call at 1am. I said, "I think she dumped me," rolled over, and went back to sleep. Wasn't as funny the next day when I woke up and remembered what had happened.

2002- Wished I hadn't dumped my rebound girlfriend (who would later become the Queen of my life) just because I wanted to be cool and "pursue all my options."

2003- see 2002. (It's true-- I dumped her twice-- how's that for classy?)

2004- Envied people who were married and didn't have to live alone in the attic of a drafty house sharing a bathroom with four guys.

2005-2010 Too numerous to count, but you should ask the Queen sometime-- apparently I'm a bit of a "grass is always greener" type, or, as she likes to call me, "a little bit of a drama queen." Which I think is ironic, or at least humorously coincidental-- for all you literati types reading this who will correctly tell me that the situation above is NOT true irony. (I know)

2011- Envious (badly envious) of people with easy children...

So there you have it. Though I am slowing coming to grips with the positives of some of my shortcomings (I can't stay up all night even though I desperately wish I could so I could write my novel, be in marathon shape, and clean the entire house without missing time with the kids-- because I can't stay up all night, Rachel can go to bed because she claims she can't sleep without me... I think this might be a cheap ploy to get me away from writing this blog into the wee hours, but I can't prove that she doesn't sleep without me... arrgh!), I'm pretty sure it will be a lifelong battle. A man who is happy with what he has is truly happy. St. Paul speaks aptly to this in his letter to the Philippians when he tells them that he has learned "to be content with whatever I have. I know what it is to have little, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being well-fed and of going hungry, of having plenty and being in need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me." -- Philippians 4:11-13 If I can learn that, perhaps even weekends like the one we all just fought through can be seen as opportunities to bond as a family and good family stories rather than torture... stay tuned.